


Feelings Start From Somewhere

by catrinahart



Series: Feelings Stay the Same Series [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Getting Together, M/M, Prequel of sorts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2017-11-10
Packaged: 2019-01-31 10:11:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12679749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catrinahart/pseuds/catrinahart
Summary: A prequel of sorts- teenagers Niall and Harry have been best friends for most of their lives.  All it takes is a look through a window for both of their lives to change.





	Feelings Start From Somewhere

**Author's Note:**

> So a while back an anon came on to my tumblr asking about writing more in this verse and this is what happened. So in honor of their anniversary (in this verse) I wanted to share this with you. Also I do not know a lot about the schools systems in England, so if something doesn't make sense about that it is because Google was not super helpful in my research. 
> 
> Thank you to 1dfourinfinity for the beta.
> 
> Enjoy!

**\----**

It’s weird that Niall hasn’t responded to his text yet.  He got off work almost a half hour ago and he’d texted Niall right away. Normally the other boy responds back quickly, but according to the read receipts that he keeps checking on his screen Niall hasn’t even read his text yet, and Niall always has his phone on him without question. But he could just be busy, or maybe he’s even still sleeping.  It is only noon after all and it’s a Saturday morning- just because he had to work early at the bakery doesn’t mean the Niall had to get up early too. Now that he thinks about it he’s pretty sure that Niall had mentioned having to work this afternoon at the music shop, so he could just be busy getting ready for work?

When did they get here?  No they are being all responsible and working on the weekends; when they’re not busy studying of course.  They’re really acting like adults and he’s so proud.

Harry makes the quick trip home from the bakery, passes by the park, and then takes a right to head back towards home.  The November air is brisk and cold and he’s grateful now for the beanie his mum shoved on his head this morning on the way out the door despite his protests.  She had insisted that he’d be ‘happy to have it later’ and while he hates to admit it, she was right. He pulls it down now, over his ears to keep the chill off.  It’s only just as he starts to get closer to home that he realizes the reason why Niall hasn’t texted back.  Eoghan’s car is sitting on the street outside his house; their houses; and he’s been spending more and more time with Niall lately it seems. Not that he’s been stealing Harry’s time, he has Nick that he hangs out with still but after fooling around and letting Nick take him to bed he‘d realized that he doesn’t _want_ to spend as much time with Nick as he thought he did; he’d actually really missed Niall. He and Nick are still friends but that’s it, even though there is a kind of ‘open invitation’.

There’s just something about Eoghan that doesn’t sit right with Harry. Whenever he’s around Niall he always seems to be touching him; an arm around his waist or draped over his shoulder and Harry finds he doesn’t particularly care for it.  But Niall’s always open with his affection, always has been, always hanging on Liam and Louis too, but somehow with Liam and Louis it’s different.  There’s something about Eoghan that Harry really just can’t stand but he hasn’t figured out exactly what that is...yet.   Right now he just tries his best not to think about it.

He opens the door and steps in to find his mum sitting on the sofa, and he quickly checks his phone again- just in case.  Anne has the fireplace going and the heat radiates throughout the living room.  He pulls his coat and beanie off letting the heat warm his bones. The walk to and from the bakery isn’t far but since October officially ended the chill of the November air is biting.

He kicks off his shoes and makes his way over to the couch plopping down beside her.  “What are we watchin’?” he asks, the commercial break not lending him any clues to what she actually has it tuned to as she drops her arm around his shoulders.

“Great British Bake-Off.”  He laughs a little as he notices his mum smelling his hair, her and Niall both always comment that he smells good when he gets home from working at the bakery- it’s better than smelling like a fast food joint he supposes.

“I’m just gonna go change, be back in a bit?”  His mum nods and he meanders up the stairs while untying the apron strings from around his waist. He closes his door and hangs the apron on the back of it for tomorrow morning’s shift, turning around he doesn’t mean to look- not really, but Niall’s curtains are half way closed across from his, which is weird- normally he leaves them open, but his bed is still in plain view, and he’s on it- but he’s not alone.

He’s definitely not alone- he’s on his back in the middle of the mattress and Eoghan is there on top of him, pressed between his legs, the leg closest to the window bent at the knee somewhat hiding their hips that are pressed close together. But it's not like Harry can’t figure out what’s going on.  He knows exactly what is going on.

Niall has his arms slung up over his shoulders and they are lost in their own world, kissing like nothing else matters.

Harry drops simultaneously along with his stomach- bum hitting the floor and his hands come up to cover his face as his stomach turns. Nausea hits him and he feels a burning in his lungs almost like he’s not breathing, only reassured by the fact that he can hear his own panting breaths.

He presses his head back against his door and tilts his head up at the ceiling, studies a crack there in an attempt to focus on anything else as he starts to count to ten, once he gets to ten he goes to twenty, but at twenty his heart's still racing and he can’t stop his hands from clenching tight on his thighs, digging in to his beige uniform slacks and he can feel the tightness of the fabric as he pulls, twisting them trying to distract himself from what he knows is going on next door. 

Now he knows why Niall didn’t answer his text and his heart stutters a bit, there’s an ache there that he doesn’t know how to describe.  He gets up from the floor and pulls the curtain in his room shut.

Anger floods the feelings of hurt pushing them far to the back of his mind, what the hell is Niall thinking?  With Eoghan of all people?  Just because they’re both Irish transplants doesn’t mean he should be doing this!  He can’t stop his feet from carrying him back and forth, pacing repetitively in front of the window he’s fighting; _willing_ himself not to look through, again.

None of this is okay.

Niall’s too good for that slag, and Eoghan will hook up with just about anyone; anyone who’s willing.

But then again Niall looked more than willing.

He can’t help but peek between his curtains again, his curiosity getting the best of him; Niall’s sitting up now and his shirt is missing, his lean chest and flat stomach on display and Eoghan’s hands are right on his waist, but Niall’s hands are on top of his and instead of kissing, they’re talking.  Even from here Harry can see his blush, cheeks and chest covered with a ruddy color.  His dyed blond hair is in all sorts of disarray and he looks stupidly attractive. He can’t help but wonder how it would feel if he were the one that made him look like that.

What the fuck?  Where did that thought even come from?

Eoghan leans down when Niall tilts his face up kissing him gently and with that Harry turns away.  If he watches any more he’s sure he’s going to vomit.

He focuses back on his room, - he was supposed to change- that’s what he doing- then go back downstairs to watch telly with his mum so that _is_ what he’s going to do.  He digs through his drawers and changes into joggers and a t-shirt.  He pulls open the door and pauses in the doorway.  He can do this.  He’s just going to watch telly with his mum and try his best not to think about it, about all the things he wishes he could unsee.

He has just started out of his bedroom when the thought hits him.  God- is this how Niall had felt when he saw him holding hands with Taylor, or when he told him about losing his virginity with Nick?  He distinctly remembers Niall not saying much during that conversation, just that he’d wanted to clarify; ‘ _he didn’t...hurt you, right?’_ and _‘I’m glad it was good for you..’_ He literally cannot remember anything else that Niall had said- but hopes to God he wasn’t feeling like _this_ , like he can’t breathe and is going to lose his lunch at any second.

He’s okay, he can handle this.  He looks back over at his closed curtain but instead of peeking out again, he walks back downstairs and drops down next to his mum. She puts her arm over his shoulder and cuddles him in close.  She shares her blanket, and even though they probably don’t need the extra warmth, he could really use the extra comfort of huddling in a blanket with his mum right now.

“You okay, baby?  You look a bit flushed.”  She looks over at him.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay.”   But he’s not, not really.  He needs time-maybe a lot of time to digest all this new information.

It’s only a half hour later; the start of yet another Bake Off when he finally gets a text back from Niall.

**Hey, sorry forgot my phone in the kitchen when Eoghan came over.  What’s up?**

And it’s not like Harry was expecting lies or for Niall to try to cover it up or hide anything, but the honesty in that text message just about takes his breath away.  The thought that he might get more texts in the future saying, _sorry plans with Eoghan tonight,_ or _want to go to a movie with Eoghan and I?_ The thought just makes him feel even more nauseous.

He huddles into his mum’s shoulder and she just lets out a little hmmm, pulling him in close for a second, before relaxing her grip again.  “Mummy, I think...I think that Niall has a boyfriend.”  He doesn’t really know where it comes from or why he has to say it but as soon as he says it there are tears welling up in his eyes.  Saying it out loud hurts in a way he doesn’t expect.

Anne doesn’t flinch as she looks over at him, “Well what did you expect, Love? He’s bound to date someone eventually.”

Why has that thought never even crossed his mind?  Almost a year ago the two of them went on a date, Niall had asked him and Harry had gone under the pretense that it would be good practice. A trial run for when a real one comes along. He’d realized at the end of the date when Niall walked him to his front door, that it _was_ real at least for Niall.

“So….what did you think?”  Niall had asked curiously; maybe a bit hopefully.  His cheeks tinged pink and he wouldn’t meet Harry’s eyes.  The shyness was what had clued Harry in; letting him know this meant a little bit more to Niall than he’d originally thought it did. 

“It felt….normal, comfortable….it felt like us. Like all the times we’ve gone out to eat or gone to the cinema before.”  Harry told him and Niall had looked at him then, considered everything with a tilt of his head before he nodded.

“Okay so...nothing special. Then we don’t have to this again, I suppose.”  He’d lost the color on his cheeks, but he didn’t look shy or embarrassed, his face not giving away any hints of his emotions.  He just looked like Niall.   He gave Harry a hug before jumping the fence to head home.  The next day was just like any other Saturday, hours spent playing Fifa on the floor in Niall’s living room while Maura was at work.

It’s not like they hadn’t kissed before, they were each other's first kiss after all, and really he thought that all kisses would be like kissing Niall, but the truth was they weren’t.  Kissing Taylor had been soft and sweet, and with Nick it had been all nervous excitement and discovery, but when he’d kissed Niall back when they were both thirteen and feeling a little lame because they hadn’t been kissed yet, it was different. It was everything; soft, sweet, full of nervous excitement, and his whole body had tingled and felt like there was electricity running through it. 

 “I don’t know what I thought...”  Harry ends up telling her.  “I guess...I never really thought about it.”  And that’s honest.  He never thought about having to share Niall, how he’d feel about actually having to share Niall; even though Niall has been willing to share him.  And he’d done it with ease… ‘ _Do you have plans with Taylor tonight?’_ or _‘If you’re not busy with Nick wanna hang out?’._   Never alluding to Harry that his actions may be hurting him the very way Harry was hurting right now.

“Honey, what’s the problem?”  And she’s pulling away, but Harry doesn’t want her to.  He wants to curl back up in her arms, hide from the gaze of the world. He wants to be able to ignore the hurt and the tears welling up in his eyes, he wants to ignore the nausea that’s curling in his stomach and rising up his throat. “Are you crying?”  Her hands are cool on the side of his face as she pulls him up and looks at him.  “Oh, honey. Don’t you worry, he won’t forget about you. That boy loves you to death.”  She wipes away the handful of tears that break free and she pulls him in for a hug that he readily accepts.

“I want it to be me Mum,” he didn’t even realize it was the truth until it came out of his mouth. But there it is; the honest to God truth. He wasn’t worried about Niall leaving him behind, or forgetting about him.  He wasn’t worried about being the third wheel or anything like that.  No, in that moment all that Harry wanted was to be the one in Niall’s room with him instead of Eoghan. 

“Oh, honey.  I thought you both had tried that last year?”  She looks sympathetic now, when last year she had just looked a bit disappointed. 

“We did, but…” he raises his hands and wipes his cheeks off, drying the tears.  He’s a little bit in shock himself, not sure if this reaction is from seeing Niall with Eoghan, or what exactly the cause was, “...I don’t know?”  This is his first taste of _real_ jealousy.  He’s never felt anything this intense before except maybe his pure adoration for the boy next door- but he’d never actually realized before now… what it is exactly that he really wanted from Niall.

“Well you need think about it, and _really_ think about it, before you do anything rash.” she warns.

“He my best friend, mum.  What do I do?”  That’s a slippery slope; he knows what he’s supposed to do- exactly what Niall did for him with both Taylor and Nick- take the high road, and be supportive, be _the best friend_.

“Talk to him, find out about this boyfriend of his, I suppose.  Then if that is indeed the case, be happy for him.”  She pulls him back in and Harry grabs his phone before it falls down to the ground.

“But what if I’m wrong, Mum? What if he doesn’t have…”  And he can’t even find it in him to say the words. 

“A boyfriend? Well, I don’t know, baby.  What if you are wrong?  What are you going to do about it then?”  The commercial break is over and the battling chefs have her attention again but he can’t concentrate on the telly. 

It takes him a minute to decide what to text, what to say, what to think, the image of Niall and Eoghan is burned onto his eyelids whenever he closes his eyes.  He can’t un- _see_ it right now.

**Nothing just seeing what’s up with you.**

He holds on to his phone, seeing the three dots pop up, and he feels oddly comforted knowing that he has Niall’s full attention- at least for the moment.

**Not much, E just left and I have to work at 2.**

So they probably won’t really have time to hang out tonight he thinks.

They end up texting back and forth and Niall goes quiet for a while when he’s at work, but around 9:00 once he gets home they end up texting a bit more before Harry falls asleep; and it’s for the best really he has an early shift in the morning.

He texts Niall when he gets up at 5:30 asking what’s going on for his day.  Apparently Niall is working the morning shift too and they’re both going to have the afternoon off.  This is the first time in a while, and Harry’s nervous to ask if Niall wants to hang out that afternoon.  He doesn’t want to know if Niall has plans with Eoghan. He doesn’t want to be turned away, but apparently his texts are open ended enough that around noon he gets one from Niall.

**Wanna Netflix or FIFA?**

It’s stupid really how just that simple text can take the weight off of Harry’s shoulders. Instantly he feels some relief wash over him.  He can always trust Niall to know what he’s trying to say without actually needing to say it.

**You got all your homework done?**

They’ve been working hard on their A-levels and Niall was most likely going to end up getting a golf scholarship somewhere. He’d taken on a summer job at one of the courses working in the pro-shop as well as a being teacher for beginners.  He loved it, but when October came around and the course closed for the winter, he went back to working more at his other part time job at the music shop. 

**Yup!**

Despite having had this same conversation countless times before, this time feels different and Harry just really can’t wait to see Niall.

**Alright. Be over as soon as I change**

**K**

His mum and Gemma were both out, so he rushes up the stairs and pulls on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.  He can’t help but shake his head at himself in the mirror after he’s spritzed on some cologne, can’t believe he’s questioning if he looks good or good enough really?  He’s just going to Niall’s house, he’s been there  a million times and never worried about looking good before, but he finds that this time he wants to look good- wants Niall to look at him- _really_ look at him.

He shakes his head- trying to clear out those thoughts- before trotting back down the stairs and hopping the fence.  The door is locked as Maura is prone to do, so he grabs the key from its home in the planter and lets himself in.  He climbs the stairs to Niall’s room and finds the other boy lying on his back on the bed watching the telly on the other side of the room.  He has a couple of books scattered around him where he’s seemed to give up on his reading and decided- in true Niall fashion- to watch the golf channel instead.

Harry walks right in without even greeting him- and drops down onto the bed lengthwise, head landing comfortably on Niall’s stomach as he makes himself at home.  Niall lets out an exaggerated grunt, but Harry knows that it’s not really that bad because Niall’s hand is already in his hair combing through his curls- which is what Harry really wanted anyway.  He’s only half on the bed, his lower half hanging off, knees bent, and feet touching the floor.  He gives them a little kick as he lets his eyes flutter shut, Niall’s hand in his hair easing all the remaining stress out of his body.

Harry doesn’t know how long they stay like that, but he just lays there with his eyes closed until Niall finally asks, “You fall asleep on me already?” 

“No,” But he doesn’t know else what to say.  All he can think about is what he saw happening on this very bed yesterday.  He wants to ask Niall about it.  He wants to know what’s going on. Are they dating? Did they just go out on a date?  Are they just hooking up?

They fall back into silence both of them watching the telly, but Harry just can’t handle it.  He sits up kicking his shoes off before climbing into bed to lie beside Niall.  Niall gives him a funny look but extends his arm out so that Harry can cuddle into his side.  Niall gives him a smile and he’s finds he’s still surprised by it now and again.  His braces are off now and his teeth are just so white and straight.  He’s so used to seeing Niall with puffy red lips and metal on his teeth. How did he not notice before how much he _notices_ Niall?

He ducks his head into his neck and Niall wraps his arm around him.  He slings an arm over Niall’s belly and throws a leg between Niall’s own.

 “Mate, what’s going on with you?”  Harry shakes his head.

“Nothing.”  He can feel Niall’s laugh from where he’s resting his arm

“Don’t lie to me Haz.  Just...tell me...”  Can he ask?  It’s not that weird of him to ask...is it?  Considering that Eoghan was just here yesterday.

“I- just- is-...are you dating Eoghan?”   Niall goes stiff underneath him, his hands stopping their calming motion in his hair.

“No…”  He drags out the word, “But I think he wants to? Maybe?” Niall sounds unconfident in his answer and maybe, it’s that Niall doesn’t know what Eoghan wants?  Harry can’t help but bring his elbow up underneath him to get a look at the other lad.  He’s blushing a bit, cheeks tinged pink. He looks adorable and it makes Harry feel protective.

“And you...don’t want to?”  Harry can help but ask.  Niall had sounded so unsure.

“I don’t think so?”  Niall says again, “He seems to really only want one thing?”  And Niall’s face is now turning a little red, but it’s nothing compared to the rage that sparks inside Harry.

“What the fuck....I’ll kill him.”  Harry doesn’t even realize that his anger has propelled him to his feet until Niall is grabbing at his arm, pulling him, turning him back around to look at him in the face.

“Harry, it is fine. Promise.  I took care of it. Turns out he does understand the word ‘no’.”  Niall stresses, but Harry’s still seeing red.  His heart is pounding and he can feel the blood rushing to his hands, to his feet, prompting him to move, to protect.  Niall must still be able to tell that Harry’s angry, so he lets his hand drop down his arm and tangles their fingers together, pulling gently.  “Seriously Haz, it’s all good. I’m good.”

“I don’t like it.” What _it_ is Harry doesn’t even know exactly but Niall barks out a laugh and Harry can feel his anger start to drain at the sound.

“Don’t worry, it wasn’t anything like that.  We were just foolin’ around and when we started losing clothes I told him ‘no’, and he listened.  We hung out for a bit more and then he went home ‘cause I had to work.”  Niall says it so casually, “f _ooling around”_ , and it makes Harry’s heart clench.  “Now do you want to watch a movie or summat?”  Niall scoots back to the center of the bed and throws his arm back out.  Harry takes a deep breath before finally speaking.

“Can we watch a romcom?”  Harry asks and Niall laughs and rolls just his eyes.  Harry climbs back on the bed, tucking back into Niall’s side, the feel of his body and the smell of his cologne and shower gel are such a comfort to him. He finds himself calming down almost instantly.

They do end up watching a romcom and Harry ends up cuddled into Niall’s side letting his eyes drift shut before it’s really even begun.  He really wouldn’t want it any other way.

Harry can’t help it.  Over the next week he finds himself noticing more and more when Niall and Eoghan interact.  Notices Niall doesn’t seem to talk _as_ much to Eoghan, but they are obviously still on friendly terms.  Eoghan has no problem reaching out to touch Niall, to throw an arm over his shoulders or to wrap his arm around his waist to pull him in and Harry’s vision still gets tinged red when it happens.  But the thing is Niall keeps coming back to him- back to Harry.    He’ll walk away from Eoghan to walk to class with Harry or invite Harry over to his house in front of the other boy like it’s nothing-to Niall it probably is nothing but to Harry its showing Eoghan that Niall is choosing Harry _over_ him- like a contest that neither Niall or Eoghan know about.  What matters is Harry feels like he’s winning. 

Nothing has changed for Niall, he’s still texting Harry back, still talking to him regularly, still meeting him for lunch and they’ve been helping each other study for the one course they have together.

But now that he knows that Niall _doesn’t_ have a boyfriend- that he’s not actually dating Eoghan- it’s time for Harry to face up to all those crazy mixed up emotions that roared to the surface last week. The jealousy, the rage, the hurt… he’s processed all of it and has come to the conclusion that he’s definitely been a little slow on the uptake.

He’s without a doubt, in love with his best friend.

The one he’d gone out on date with last year and then told him that it wasn’t really anything out of the ordinary.  When obviously it _had_ been- he just didn’t have anything to compare it to at the time. Or maybe they had just done those same things so many times that he couldn’t recognize the beauty in the moment.

He’s seen Niall every day this week, but that isn’t unusual. They always talk through their windows at night and text throughout most of the day.  They always see each other a little bit here and there, Saturdays being the only exception if Niall is working the night shift at the music shop.  But now it seems like every time Harry does see him he can’t stop having random thoughts like…

_When did he get such a nice arse?_

_Why is his laughter the best sound on earth?_

_His eyes are the most beautiful shade of blue on the planet._

_His lips look delicious and I really **really** want to taste them._

And most importantly…

_When did this all happen?_

He can’t help but wonder _when_ he actually started feeling this way.  He dated Taylor and Nick both after his date with Niall but that’s been months.  Taylor has said she liked him, but felt his heart wasn’t in it, and with Nick it had never been more than just fun and games.  Has he always felt this way?

The hardest thing is that he still doesn’t know what Niall thinks.  Nothing has changed with the way Niall treats him, hasn’t in the year since they’d had their _date._  But every once in a while he will catch Niall’s gaze looking at him, or he’ll drop a comment, ‘look good today, Haz,’ and Harry will feel the blush rise on his cheeks.

He thinks about it more than he should, like right now, while he’s working an afternoon shift at the bakery and it’s completely dead. He should be reading _To Kill a Mockingbird_ because that’s what he’s writing his paper on, but instead he finds himself re-reading the same paragraph for the third time as his mind wanders trying to figure out the exact color of Niall’s eyes.

His head snaps up as the door to the bakery opens and in he walks. 

He has a light jacket on, scarf hanging loosely around his neck, and a beanie pulled over his bleach blond hair, just the tips are visible smashed down on his forehead.  His cheeks are pink from the cold and one hand is tucked in his pocket while the other one is holding a clear plastic glass.

“Hey, Ni,” It’s not _abnormal_ for Niall to visit him at work but it’s not _normal_ either.

“Hey Haz.  You look tired.”  Niall tells him and yeah, he hasn’t been getting the greatest sleep this week, but he figures that’s normal when you realize that you’re in love with your best friend.

“A bit, is that..?”  He trails off because Niall is carrying a smoothie, and its green and he knows for a fact that Niall doesn’t really care for kale smoothies, but there is a place down the street that Harry loves and they have amazing kale smoothies.

“It is.”  He sets it down in front of Harry and smiles at him, and Harry feels his heart flip in his chest.  Wow- that’s a new feeling…

“With the…”

“Yup, natural caffeine boost.”  Niall tells him; smile still bright on his face.

“You’re an angel” And at the first sip he knows it’s his favorite- the kale peach smoothie from the shop down the street.   Niall laughs at his comment but places both his elbows on the counter and leans over on to them picking up Harry’s book to look at it only to set it back down.   “Where’s yours?” 

“I drank mine there, Eoghan and I were studying for a bit.”  Harry can’t hide his instant dislike of that statement.

“Hmm,” he just drinks his smoothie ignoring the way his stomach has turned.

“Ok, seriously what’s up?  You look like a pissed off teddy bear every time I mention his name.”  Niall stands up to look Harry in the eye.  He doesn’t look angry in the slightest, more confused than anything.   Harry’s a pro at reading all of Niall’s facial expressions.

“I just...don’t like him.”  Harry goes with because he’s learned very quickly he is not nearly as good as taking the high road as Niall is. He doesn’t want to hang out with the two of them and certainly doesn’t want to ever start a text message with _hey are you and Eoghan…_     He doesn’t want to think about the two of them at all.

“You didn’t have an issue with him before.”  Niall pauses before he continues, making sure that Harry’s eyes are on his.  His bright blue eyes are intense, questioning, “Is this about last week?”  Harry can’t help but quickly look around the bakery.  They are by themselves, no customers and the evening baker doesn’t come in until 6:00 tonight; it’s not really the best place for this conversation, but he isn’t going to lie to Niall either.

“I just don’t like the idea of him making you uncomfortable.”  Harry goes with after a moment of thought- and really that is pretty close to the truth.

“Hazza, I told him the second I got uncomfortable and he stopped.”  Harry looks away, out the window as a couple walks by, he hopes they aren’t coming in, “Hey, look at me.”  And he does- he can never ignore Niall, “We haven’t done anything since.  I told him I’m not interested in someone who doesn’t want to be with me more than once.”

Harry just blinks looking at Niall, how could anyone not want to be with him more than once?  The more he thinks about it the more he can’t _stop_ thinking about it.  It’s like once he saw Niall kissing someone else he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about wanting to kiss him and touch him.  He wants to find out what makes him moan, whimper, and bite his lip.  Will Niall be someone who grabs his hair, scratches his back or will he try to keep it all inside?  Harry wants to know it all. 

 “So you aren’t going to like…”  Harry doesn’t even know what he’s trying to say.  It’s almost like trying to voice his worst fear- the minute he says it, that very thing will come to life to haunt him.  

“Haz, I’m more likely to start dating you.”  Niall laughs at him, but the way he said it and the way that Niall holds his gaze just makes him think that maybe Niall still thinks of that date last year.  Maybe Niall still hopes that it would have ended differently.  Maybe he still thinks about dating Harry- and thinks that it’s all just a pipe dream.  Harry doesn’t know how to tell him different now.

“Hey, you never know.”  Harry tells him and Niall’s face turns serious, but he takes the conversation a different direction, picking up Harry’s book again. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be done with this by now?”  and Harry just groans because yes, yes he is.  

“I’ve read it once before already.”  Harry defends himself but Niall just laughs at him.

“Yeah, three years ago.  Do you really remember it all that well?  I thought the paper was due Friday?”

“I’ll have you know I remember parts of it very well.”  Harry tries to stay straight faced but he just ends up smiling at Niall because sometimes the other boy knows him too well.

“Yeah, I don’t think remembering ‘parts’ are going to cover it.  Get reading.”  Niall orders him; giving him a stern look, but its lost a little bit when he walks towards a booth shooting a smile over his shoulder.

Niall stays until Harry has to close up, and he can’t help peaking glances at the other boy as he studies in the corner.  Niall’s planning on taking journalism or accounting in college, so he’s loaded up on composition and math classes.  He’s too damn smart for his own good, he always has been though.  Niall’s one of the smartest people he’s ever met.  But now the issue that Harry runs into now is he just can’t stop looking at him.  When he saw Niall last week, shirtless, blushing spread out for someone else, something drastically shifted in him.  He looks at him much differently than he did before. Niall’s always been a bit lean, he can eat whatever he wants and his metabolism burns like crazy. He’s always saying he wants to gain some weight, but Harry loves the way he looks, loves most things about him really, but now he finds he wants to touch- in a way he didn’t before.  He just wants _more._

Closing time sneaks up on up and before he knows it he’s locking the front doors.  Next he sweeps, mops, and does the cleaning, all while Niall studies in a corner.  Niall used to try to help, but Harry would always tell him to go sit his arse down- because this is what Harry gets paid for.  He doesn’t want to take advantage of Niall.

They end up walking home together; the conversation always comes so easy to them.  But what strikes Harry as new, is the want to grab Niall’s ungloved hand and bring it into his own pocket to warm it up.  He curses him for not bringing gloves when it’s officially November now.  He should know better.

He doesn’t grabs his hand though, or sling an arm over his shoulders or around his waist- but he does realize that in the past he would have; put an arm over his shoulder and pulled him in- or given Niall his own gloves, if he had them, to keep his hands warm without thinking twice.

It’s then that he realizes that this- _his feelings-_ aren’t new, not really, just that he’s actually noticing them now. 

He’s always had that desire- to touch Niall, to be _in_ his space, just to be around him makes Harry content.

He can’t help looking over at Niall, he’s talking about some amazing goal or something like that; and he’s just so animated and happy.  His eyes bright, cheeks red from the cold, a soft laugh escaping his lips.  He’s beautiful.

A year ago they had their first date.  Maybe it’s time for a second.

He ends up talking to his mum again when it’s just the two of them having dinner on Thursday night because she knows already; she’s seen it all unfold. Niall has been the only thing that he has thought about all week. Their relationship has been rotating though his mind, haunting its way into his dreams- to the point that sometimes when he wakes he finds himself embarrassingly hard.  So at this point he’s wanked to Niall on more than one occasion- and he’s not ashamed- not at all- because while he may not have noticed it at first- Niall is stupidly fit.

“So…”  He starts and his mum looks up at him, raises a brow and waits for him to continue. “I’ve thought about it.”

“About Niall?”  And that is why he loves her so much, his Mum always just knows.

“Yeah. So he doesn’t have a boyfriend….and I think that I like him?”  He doesn’t know why it comes out sounding a question because he knows that he does; already knows that it’s a _fact._   

“Say it again now...with a bit more confidence, love.”  She smiles at him, her dimples twinning his own.

“I like Niall and I really want to date him.”  He states confidently and returns her smile.

“I knew you’d figure it out eventually, bug.” She goes back to her plate and Harry can’t help that his jaw drops open.

“Figure what out?”  Harry huffs but she just laughs.

“You’ve loved that boy for years.  You just couldn’t see it. Maura and I both knew it. Niall’s probably the only one that doesn’t at this point.  So… what’s the plan?”  She asks, setting her phone face down so that he has all of her attention.

“I’m going to ask him out.”  Harry tells her with a confidence that he really doesn’t feel.

“So going to have another go of that first date then?”  She asks.

“Yeah, I think so.” 

That’s how he finds himself staring at his phone after dinner, telling himself he can do this. It’s just Niall; there is nothing Niall doesn’t already know about him.  They’ve been inseparable since they were six.  They went through Niall’s mum and dad getting divorced, Harry’s mum getting remarried.  They’ve gone through the awkward adolescent stage where their voices changed and Harry’s limbs were too long and gangly.  Niall’s taught himself how to play guitar and then when he got it down- he started trying to teach Harry.  They are walking together through life hand in hand, and there is no reason they can’t do the same thing physically.  Now that Harry knows he wants to hold his hand, too.

But this; the idea of sending this text and asking him properly is terrifying. But somehow Niall had done it. Last year Niall had asked him out and acted like it was no big deal to do so.  So he can do this. Knows he can but it’s strange because somehow a text doesn’t feel meaningful enough but calling will just throw Niall off, possibly make him worry.  They rarely ever call so he settles on a text...at least to start things off.  He drafts out three different texts before he finally wills himself to stop overthinking and just hit send. 

**Come to your window**

It only takes a minute or so before Niall’s window opens.  Their bedrooms have always been close, been able to talk between the two houses comfortably without having to yell. 

“Haz, Jesus. It’s fucking cold! What’s up?”  Niall is obviously almost ready for bed in a long sleeved comfy tee with just his pants on.

“Do you want to go out to dinner tomorrow night….maybe see a film?”  Harry asks- and wow that was a lot easier that he thought.  He thought it would be a lot more nerve wracking but he definitely feels a different kind of fluttering in his stomach now- he feels _good_.

“Don’t you work on Saturday morning at like...the arse crack of dawn?  Why would you want to do that?”  Niall asks and he looks confused. Okay…so this might be a little harder than he’d initially thought since it’s obvious that Niall doesn’t seem to understand what he’s _really_ asking.

 “No I was thinking… that maybe… we could just… I thought we….”  And fuck why can’t he just say it?

“Why don’t I just come over when I get off work or summat?  We could order a pizza or whatever and then when you’re ready you can go to bed and I’ll just go home.”  Niall suggests instead talking over Harry.

“But… that’s not, I wasn’t just…”

“Oh is there something special you want to see in the cinema?  That new romcom isn’t out for another couple weeks.”  And of course Niall knows what movie Harry wants to see- Harry doesn’t even know what’s showing at the cinema right now.  Maybe he should have planned this just a little better?

“No, not really.”  He tells him and Niall just rest his elbow on the window frame and sets his chin in his hand to stare across the space at Harry.  Even from here he can see the laughter in his eyes.  How is it he never noticed how ridiculously attractive his best friend was?  Was it because it was gradual and he was just so used to it? Maybe all he had needed was a wakeup call.

Eoghan had provided that well enough- and if this turns out the way he hopes, Harry just might have to send him a thank you card, or just warn him to stay away from Niall- he doesn’t know which one yet.

“So… then I’ll just come over tomorrow yeah?”  Niall asks quirking his head and smiling adorably across the space.

“Okay. Yeah that...that works.”  His mum and Gemma leave for another Uni visit tomorrow, so they’ll be gone most of the weekend. Maybe he could make the two of them dinner instead… Niall loves steak and burgers he supposes he can figure out how to grill, even though normally it’s something he’d be asking Niall how to do.

 “I have class in the morning and then I get off work at 5:00.  That work for you, Haz?”

“5:30?  Is that too late?”  He’ll have to make use of Google, go buy some steak, baked potatoes, stuff like that, he’s pretty sure that he can figure out.  It shouldn’t be that hard to cook something for the two of them.  He can do this. He can romance his best friend.

“No that sound good.”  Niall smiles, “Hey did you get your essay done?”    Harry can’t help but smile because this is what they do, they worry about each other and keep each other in check.

“It’s not my best work but it’s done.”  He tells him. 

 “K. G’night Haz.”  Niall gives him a wave before leaning back from outside the window.

“See you tomorrow!  Night Ni.”  With that Niall closes his window and his light clicks off.  And he has classes tomorrow too, so he does the same.  But he can’t help looking over again and again into Niall’s window.  He just can’t stop thinking about all their wasted time.  The past year that they could have spent together.  He needs to calm down, get some sleep, and be well rested and ready to face the next day.

But he can’t seem stop his mind from reeling.  It just keeps spinning in circles and he’s trying to plan a date with his best friend who doesn’t seem to _know_ it’s a date.  What if Niall’s not interested?  It’s been a year- maybe Niall had a crush last year and then he got over it? They’ve been looking at Uni’s recently too, and it’s not even a full year away… what if they go to different colleges?  What if they can’t manage the long distance?  What if his friendship with Niall crumbles?

But this is Niall he reminds himself- his relationship with Niall will never crumble.  Niall is and always will be _Niall._

What the hell has he gotten himself into?

He barely gets any sleep that night, does nothing but stare at the ceiling. His class passes in a blur and when he gets to the market he finds that Bobby is working and he doesn’t really want to buy the steaks from him, but he’s the only one there and he’s going to ask what it’s for, and Harry doesn’t want to tell him he wants to date his son. He loves Bobby but he’s more terrified of him than he is his own Dad.  He loves Bobby and what if Bobby hates the idea of them dating?  What if he tells Harry that he’s not good enough to be Niall’s boyfriend and they should just stay friends.

Oh god, these ‘what ifs’ are going to kill him.

It seem that luck is on Harry’s side because in the time that it takes for Harry to finally work up the nerve to go to the meat counter after getting everything else, Bobby _is_ gone replaced by another man and he counts that as a win. He orders the steak and then he tries to remember everything the man tells him about preparing it; “marinate it, sear it, grill it, know how you want it, and then let it rest.” What the hell does that even mean?  Why does meat need to rest?

By the time he gets home he’s more confused than ever.  He makes the salad because that’s the easiest, he gets the baked potatoes ready as they are also pretty simple.  The garlic bread is the last easy task at hand and it’s on a tray by the oven waiting to be warmed, he’s been avoiding the steak because where does he even bloody start? Right now he’s just looking at two slabs of meat on a tray and he realizes that he doesn’t even properly know how to start the grill.

_He’s fucked._

“Hey Haz.”  Harry’s feet actually leave the ground as he jumps turning around to look at Niall who’s just laughing at him. No, no, no, no, _no._ Niall can’t be here yet.  He’s not ready, the foods not ready.  It can’t possibly be that time already.  He’s not the best with time management, but knows for certain that he just put the potatoes in.

“You’re early!”  It accidentally comes out a bit sharp more like an accusation than surprise, but Niall is still just laughing at him.

“Yeah, a bit. Is that okay?”  Niall looks soft in a pair of jeans and a grey jumper.  Harry instantly wants to cuddle him, knows that’s not exactly a new feeling and he’s back to wondering why it is he never noticed these things before- that these were the thoughts he always had about his best friend. 

“Um, yeah.”  Harry can’t help but feel a little panicked.  He’s not ready.  He hasn’t showered. He hasn’t changed- he’s got a great outfit for tonight, he looks amazing in it. And he’s still trying to figure out how to season the meat.

“Steak?”  Niall comes to stand beside him and leans into his side, bumping his hip with his own.   It's not anything he doesn’t normally do, not really, but for some reason being alone with Niall now and knowing his own intent- it all feels different to him, more meaningful.

“Yeah...if I can figure out where to start.” Harry mutters, almost hoping that Niall doesn’t hear but knows he did.   Niall grabs the salt, pepper, and then reaches into his mum’s cabinet for more seasonings.  “I have potatoes in the oven, too.”  Harry finally gets with the program when Niall gives him an odd look.

“Ahh, how long do we have?”  Niall asks and sure, Harry’s always been around in the kitchen but he’s always been better with pastas, and salads- the basics.

“45 minutes?”  Harry can’t help but realize that everything he says sounds like a question which is stupid, he’s normally so much more confident than this.  Niall put himself out there a year ago- Harry can do the same.   “So…”

“What up with all this Haz?”  Niall’s looking around, the set table, the food already prepared, the unseasoned steak.  Harry turns to face him, leaning against the counter with his hip; Niall echoes his movement so they are standing face to face.  Just recently he’s gotten taller than Niall and he likes it more than a little bit that Niall has to look up to him now.  It also makes the perfect height for hugs and now that he thinks about it- perfect for kisses too.  He makes eye contact and holds onto Niall’s gaze.  He’s obviously figured out that something is different because those eyes that were laughing seconds ago are now holding his gaze just as serious as his own.

“I’m...uh taking you on a date.”  Harry says and he watches as Niall’s eyes widen in disbelief.

“I- I’m sorry, what?”  Niall stutters out.

“So last year we went on a date, around this same time right?  And when you’d asked how it was I’d implied it wasn’t anything special, didn’t feel like anything out of the ordinary, but I realize now...that I was wrong. It _was_ special, I was just… I just didn’t have the right frame of reference or anything to compare it to, and now I realize that nothing can compare to you…like...at all.  

“So I wanted to take you on a date and tell you that I like you, in more than a friend kind of way, if the way I can’t stop staring at your arse and the way I feel homicidal rage every time Eohghan touches you is any indication..”  He almost wants to add a _so there_ at the end but decides that he’s already said enough.  But Niall’s not responding. Instead he’s just staring at Harry, those blue eyes of his just drilling into Harry- seeing right through him.

“You- what- I -are…”  He can’t seem to find what he needs to say and he seems to be breathing a little faster and his cheeks are a bit pink.  Harry can’t help but think these are good signs.  He reaches his hand out to brush his fingers against Niall’s fingertips and Niall grasps onto his hand, tight.  “Are you sure?”  Is what Niall ends up asking seemingly more confident now that he’s holding Harry’s hand.

“Completely.”  And it’s the most confident he’s been all night.  Because _yes_ he is sure, it has been all he’s been able to think about, and if he’s honest with himself, it’s always been Niall for him.

“Yeah, okay then, I’d love to have a date with you, Haz.”  He’s looking away again, at the table and then back to the countertop where the steak sits painfully unseasoned.  “Do you...need some help with the steak?”  And of course he does but that’s not what he’s worried about right now.   Because Niall looks a little shy about it, a little uncomfortable.  Like he doesn’t really know what to think, though in a way he _knows_ what Niall’s thinking.  He doesn’t think that Harry’s serious- both his relationships with Taylor and Nick were short and whimsical- so he knows what Niall’s thinking.  But in this case- he’s got it all wrong.

He takes that confidence that he just found as he takes a step forward and puts his hands on either side of Niall’s face. He knows that a year ago it was special for Niall, he knows that Niall was hurt when he’d said it was nothing special for him, he assumes that he hurt Niall when he dated others, he knows that Niall did his best to be his best friend through it all, “You are so special.”  It’s not what he meant to say but it’s the truth.

Niall lets out a laugh, it’s a little bitter, Harry can tell, “I’m nothing special Haz, I’m just me.” 

Harry shakes his head because he knows that Niall thinks that’s the truth but it’s so far from the actual truth that it’s astounding; “No. I think you’re amazing.”

Harry doesn’t fight his instincts; instead he leans down and kisses Niall.  And it’s just like when they were thirteen but also nothing at all like it.  Because yes, there are those same butterflies in his stomach and it’s soft and sweet, and there is pure electricity running from his head to his toes.  But there is so much more- because there is emotion, so much, from both of them.  He can feel it when Niall reaches up and anchors his hands on his waist, his fingers digging in.

Niall’s lips are soft, slightly wet, and perfect under his and the little moan he lets out when Harry licks into his mouth is music to his ears.  Niall’s hands move under his shirt to the skin of the small of his back and the heat radiates straight to his heart- his heart that feels like it’s about ready to burst.

When he pulls away and looks down at Niall his eyes are dark and his lips red and plumped up.  “Well. I’d say it’s a good date already.”  Niall tells him and Harry joins him in laughter pulling him into a hug.  He tucks his head into the curve of his neck and inhales the smell of Niall and his cologne.  Niall’s head is tucked into his shoulder and he feels the press of his lips as Niall kisses his neck, shivers at the corresponding spark down his spine.

He wants to stay here forever, keeping Niall wrapped up in his arms telling him how amazing and special he is. Instead he drops his hands to Niall’s hips and he’s a bit surprised by how his hands seem to cover so much space on his hips.  Right now holding Niall makes him feel even more protective than he did before.  He doesn’t ever want to let anyone else touch him. Never wants to let go now that Niall is _his_.   

“Let’s make it better.  C’mon. Help me sort out this steak? Please?” Niall nods into his shoulders where he’s tucked in against his neck.  He feels the press of Niall’s lips again before he pulls away.

He thinks it should be odd, kissing his best friend but it’s not. It’s exciting and exhilarating to sneak them in between talking about classes and work, while distracting him from seasoning of the steak.  It’s like second nature having Niall teach him what to do, how to turn on the grill, how to tell when it’s done.

He goes up and changes into his date clothes, red button up and black skinny jeans, splashes on a bit of cologne and when he comes back down he can see that Niall appreciates the effort, if the hot glance from head to toe says anything at all.

Their level of comfort feels the same- but in a way everything feels very different.  The night shimmers with energy and electricity.  Harry knows that they can both feel it, if the fleeting glances back and forth are anything to go by.  He keeps connecting with Niall’s blue eyes over the course of the night.

Not only that; there are fleeting touches, Niall’s hand guiding Harry’s and Harry’s touching his lower back, almost down to the curve of his bum.  And it’s not like he hasn’t touched Niall there before- it’s not like he’s never jokingly hit his arse, but the level of intent is much different this time.  There is no doubt in Harry’s mind that he is very attracted to Niall.

It’s when they’re actually finishing up the meal; which turned out pretty damn fantastic; that he feels the need to reiterate.  The evening has been nothing short of magical, even though the foundation of it really isn’t _that_ abnormal for them. “I’m serious ya' know? About this...about _us_.”  Harry tells him.  Niall’s eyes snap back up to his from where he’s just finished his meal.

Niall knows him better than anyone else, except for maybe his mum. Niall knows that Harry’s attention span can be short sometimes. Even Harry knows sometimes things are quick to lose their shine to him.  But he and Niall have been best friends since they were six, he doesn’t see that shine wearing off soon; it hasn’t worn off yet- it’s only gotten brighter.   That’s why they’re here, tonight- on this date. Because he was always a little too close to Niall to really see how amazing he is.  But now that he has seen it he just can look away.

“I know you are.”  Niall smiles at him, “You put a lot of thought into this. Is this why you’ve been weird all week?”  Niall looks around at the table setting with the flowers and cloth napkins.  Niall still looks amazed- like he can believe that he- himself is worth the effort.  Harry really went all out.

“Excuse me, I have not been _weird…_ ”  Harry hisses out in a joke, “I’ve been distracted.”  He substitutes instead.

Niall just shakes his head, “Fine… distracted then…” he relents, “But I have to ask what changed your mind?”  Niall raises his eyebrow because Harry can already feel his cheeks coloring dark red with blush.  He looks away from Niall’s intense gaze.

“I- well- it's…”  He stutters trying to figure out how to say this without sounding like he was spying on him, because what ultimately made him change his mind was seeing him entangled with someone else. 

“You can tell me, Haz.”  Niall’s smile is getting even bigger at Harry’s obvious embarrassment.  Niall’s always gotten a little bit of joy seeing the usually confident and suave Harry, a bit off balance and shy.  

“I saw you and Eoghan, um….in your room.”  At that both Niall’s eyebrows raise and now there is a bit of a blush on his cheeks now too.

“Did ya’ now?”  Niall asks, quirking an eyebrow, ignoring his blush, and prompting for more.

“Yeah, and it pissed me off...”  He pauses trying to figure out how to put it in words, “It took me a minute…” 

“Just a minute?”  And of course Niall knew that it was more than that, that Harry can sometimes be a little unaware of his own emotions.  That it took a good part of the week after to figure it out.

“Shut up.”  He scoffs but he’s smiling, “The _important_ thing is that I figured out exactly why I was pissed off.”  Harry breaks eye contact to look over Niall’s shoulder, to collect his thoughts a bit, “Figured out I was pretty jealous of him, actually.”  Sick with jealous rage was probably a bit more appropriate but he doesn’t want to scare Niall away with the intensity of his emotions from last week.  To be completely honest he’s still a bit scared of his own emotions.

“I can relate.”  Now it’s Niall who can’t look directly at him and Harry hates that it’s a bit comforting.  But it does answer his question- yes it was just as bad for Niall.  Thank God.

“I don’t know how you did it.  You were so nice to me… to them.”  Harry voice softens with affection.

“Well of course, your happiness is what matters. If I can’t make you happy then I will do my best to be happy for you when someone else can.”  Harry doesn’t expect to feel his heart break a little with that statement.  Niall is just such a _good_ person.

“You make me happy, and I want to make you happy. I mean...I know that we’re young but it all has to start from somewhere right?”  Niall reaches his hand across the table and grasps his hand.  His fingers are calloused still from where he plays guitar sometimes at the shop and at home and its familiar- comforting.

“Yeah, so I suppose it starts right here.  November 10th the beginning of us.”  Niall tells him and as soon as he says it the date is engraved in Harry’s memory because he can already see their first anniversary and their second.  He knows that this is going to last.

How could it not?  They’ve already been together for 11 years- and he’s pretty damn sure he wants a lifetime more. 

\----

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know your thoughts! Comments/ kudos greatly appreciated and very much loved!
> 
> Also you can find me on tumblr [Here.](http://catrinahartsnarry.tumblr.com/) So feel free to say hello there as well!


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